Tuesday, March 01, 2011

"He's Not Going to Want to Go Home..."

Posted by Mandy at 11:30 AM
Yesterday we had what's known as a "drop in visit." Honestly, those are the only visits we seem to ever get from the caseworkers, and that's fine... they have been so wonderful to us! The goal of these visits is for them to see how your house looks without it being prepared for a visit - and to see how the kids look randomly throughout the month. I was VERY excited that I had just cleaned my kitchen... as in just finished wiping the counters and starting the dishwasher when they knocked on the door. Thanks for that prompt, God!

During their check-ins they like to make sure all of the medicines are still locked away, that the smoke detectors are working, and that we still have the bedrooms how they are supposed to be. They also spend time with the children, talking with them and observing them in our home. It sounds very uptight when I write it out, but we laugh and chit-chat the entire time. It's amazing how some of the DHS staff becomes like your extended family!

Little Brother (now 22 months old) followed me around the whole time whining to be held. I'd oblige him and scoop him up, sensing that seeing the caseworkers brings up some uncomfortable feelings for him. I have to assume he is worrying, however a toddler his age would worry, that they might be there to take him away again.

The workers giggled at his behavior and saw his attachment to me and joked, "Uh oh.. that little guy isn't going to want to go home.."



I smiled, but inside I died just a little bit. I often worry about how he'll feel when/if he goes back. Now that he's in a safe, loving home... will it devastate him to leave? I know these are normal fears, normal worries, and common amongst foster parents. Many ask me how I deal with those thoughts. Honestly, I push them out of my mind. I can't go there. I tend to try to stick with the Bible's warning to basically worry only about today, because it has enough worries of its own.

So, for TODAY all of "my" kids are safe, cared for, loved, and secure. For TODAY God is calling us to be this family together. For TODAY I will rest in ease.. knowing that only one controls any of our fates. Only one chooses if any of these 6 children will remain in our care as each hour passes. As a good friend, Amy, once told me (and she is a fellow foster parent), "God never guarantees another day with your own children... don't let fear of loss stop you from parenting others who need you." Wise words...

7 comments:

Diana on Tuesday, 01 March, 2011 said...

Guess what statement kills me...it the "UH OH" before the "he's not going to want to go home" as if to imply that attachment to you is a bad thing. It's not. It's a gift that child will carry with him for the rest of his life, regardless of whether he stays in your care or not. And so, for today, keep on loving him as your own and make that gift even stronger!

Mochamama on Tuesday, 01 March, 2011 said...

I'm so glad your visit went well! God is using you and your husband in an amazing way.

Penelope on Tuesday, 01 March, 2011 said...

Attachment is a beautiful gift. Sometimes it takes years. I'm just now feeling our 3-year-old is finally overcoming his attachment issues after being with us 3 years. He was brought to us at 8 months horribly neglected. Our God can take the worry away and be a god of comfort! Blessings to you!

Reagan on Tuesday, 01 March, 2011 said...

Thanks for the update and that last comment ... ugh--straight to the heart--seriously!

Wendy on Wednesday, 02 March, 2011 said...

"God never guarantees another day with your own children... don't let fear of loss stop you from parenting others who need you." Oh my, so true.
While I was reading your post, I couldn't help think, "I could never give him up." That's always been my biggest worry (paralyzing fear.) But what you are doing- living day by day, moment by moment in faith and trust is what we are called to do. That precious baby, and all of "your kids" are loved and safe right now. And ALL of our kids are in God's hands.
Oh, man. I'm so thankful for you, and others like you. And I pray that God will open this path for us ...we're ready, willing, waiting to see what He has in store...

Wendy on Wednesday, 02 March, 2011 said...

And I agree with Diana's comment!

Sarah on Saturday, 05 March, 2011 said...

Amy is wise. And I will continue to pray for all YOUR kids. Y'all have really been on my heart since the first time I found your blog.

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